Friday, October 21, 2005


the beginning of beanie days

There are very few places in this world where one feels at home. We split our lives in different places. Ther are a certain set of people we meet in each place, set of books that we read, set of music that we listen to, places we frequent and phases that we go through. The last 8 months in pune has been ecstasic. I close my eyes and can see a little round table meant for three. The lush green lawns and the heart warming ambience of barista.The beginning of a relationship with two of the most wonderful people. There are enough different types of people to make you wonder if variety is an understatement.I cared and I loved the city and am still not over it.There were times when i wondered i would ever survive away from it. Now that i have attempted a move, I wonder more and i see that in strange faces i recognise once i know. I have a pune hangover, not that i weep tears in my morning tea but i do shout excitedly when i see a Mathur delivering food or a vehicle with a MH registration.
Yes. I have just arrived. Found a place to stay. The scortching sun rips through you to reveal the summers of chennai. Now i would be expected to watch Rajinikanth movies among other madrasi activities. The Marina and the masala doas would be a part of it. The flavour of my previous world still rules my little room !The saved chocolate wrappers, the diaries that witnessed my days the little hippo which managed to find a place in my bed, the presence of istylish leather hand bag ,the cell phone that has captured moments, my little scooty which still craves for the not so perfect roads and hello i have a orange beanie add a cool look to my fuzzy world.

You never might just turn out to be perfect once more.
"Temporary Well Being"

The pond is plenteous
The land is lush,
And having turned off the news
I am for the moment mellow.

With my book in one hand
And my drink in the other
What more could I want

But fame,
Better health,
And ten million dollars?

-- Kenneth Burke

Friday, June 24, 2005


When dreams come true...

Suddenly, the drive that moves me on to write something seems terribly missing. I've been a little tipsy turvy with my emotions .. be it an inexplicable sense of euphoria or a dark deep feeling of depression. I thought i had lost this urge to pen down my thoughts on the paper until today. Why does blogging always need to make sense. Hats off to those people who blog every day to give something more meaningful to people. Iam definitely not one of them.

Today is a beautiful day. drip, drop, spalsh, squish and it rained. The clear sky after Rain fascinates me. One can see the The bunnies, cats,bears, and hearts in the sky. Now i wonder how they take these recognisable shapes and patterns. Does the wind god and Brahma actually sit and make these impressions every day and constantly think how to improve on them everyday. Naah they are not software professionals! Drip, drop, splash, squish and it was raining and with the unexpected turn of events i leave zipping on my scooty -my priced possession. I knew i was being extremely harsh on my accelarator, got the speed levels higher and loved living every moment of it Almost always, it's the unexpected that brings us joy. It may only be a shaft of sunlight, slanting through the pillars of a banyan tree; or dewdrops caught in a spider's web or just an invite for having a plate of poha and chai for breakfast watching the rain. All the way i dreamt of a cyclist in the park, trim under his sleek soft red helmet, cruising along the dirt three miles an hour. On his tricycle. Dreams are so weird and strange. Sure they would have some purpose. I wish i had a dream analyser that would help me in finding out whats running in ones mind..when one is asleep. I wish i could interpret my dreams.

Today is a beautiful day for someone else too who has gone ahead to make his dream come true. Happy birthday Little monk!

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


to a friendship that purred!

I was scared...scared of my own thoughts, the things i felt. Didnt know a better way to express what i felt was in doubt then.It hurt because i have been sure all along..even when other people told me in sterner voices that i was likely to stumble even on silk.It was a time for doubting,a time for unpleasant questions and cruel answers.That was a time when i doubted myself as a person. I started searching for answers that i only knew. I only succeeded in confusing my mind, my ears and my heart.Those three long months of silence.Every day was a struggle.But believed that there will be other times too.

Today was a beautiful day .Even with my eyes still closed I could feel the warmth . The rays enveloped me with a hug- the hug of sunshine. A calm breeze rustles the boughs of an overhanging tree and the view outside was the beautiful i have seen in a long time.I saw those little grey balls of fur with unopened eyes and menacing soft mews calm and clear that you
fear your very presence is an intrusion.They spent hours cuddled up together, dreaming, chasing imaginary mice, watching the rain,indelicate contempt of a world that included them.

I have said something of what I came to say. Let the words that were not said be remembered. Thanks to you!

Friday, April 15, 2005


the poetess in me!

arghh! abck to the accent neutralisation program! well last time the prg atleast helped me in showing off my knowledge to my dad! This time..with all those recordings..i am sure to go crazy! heres a bit of my craziness! So what all did i do today...
walked miles
slept twice
grew wise
munched ice
there flies
another day in paradise.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005



I listened to a song today.Nothing new there as i subject myself to those innumerable ones almost everyday hoping to feel atleast half as great as the person i think i am.It's a song you will know when you hear it, it will speak right to the blood pooling at the base of your heart, the blood that leaves you craving and yearning..Its not a song that is just listened, but is
lived through.The song that would secretly make me breathe fire and break into tears at the same time.

I got hold of Dil hum hum from rudali while i was just making my regular visits to those shared folders! I have heard the song long back and i always mention it as one of my favourite songs. but today..I listened to the song between three powercuts, two long phone calls and few interrupted trips to meetings and of course work! I have never spent more than the
required 4 minutes of my time over this song. I realised how less i knew then.Will i cry even when i listen to this song at 30.. It makes me secretly weep and dream! Perhaps i had forgotten how realy wonderful wonderful can it be to listen to a song.

Here's to rudali- the professional mourners who cannot cry at the death of their own soul!whose struggle for survival in this unfair world baffles me. Here's to those who dont know the price they have paid for the gift of this beautiful song to us.

Monday, March 28, 2005



It's way past 6 a.m. What am i doing still awake? I'm working! When I am not working, i have the luxury of thinking. Ideally, about work.There is something uniquely satisying about being in the still of a night with a mug of tea and a dark thought in my head.
I am gonan chill out for a glass of lemonade with 4 ice cubes would just be perfect..or i could manage with Timmy Thomas and his "dying inside to hold you"...or i have a good mind to watch you've got mail esp with two of my all time fav staring together!
There are so many things i want to do right now..
rub acrylic paint all over my palm and make imprints of both my hands!
lick a spoonful of glucose..!
quietly spend my time under a sea seduced sky!
hear the" tok tok" of those wooden windchimes!
or may be i just wanna sleep!

Friday, March 25, 2005


the best lick of life...

Flipping through the 'saturated with pink lipstick and false eyelashes' pages of a girlie magazine I'm a big fan of in my weaker moments, I came across this quiz which if done honestly was supposed to tell you if you are a 'bitch' or not. It's not just because it happens to be derogatory to the female of the world's most lovable species. I just don't quite like the word. I don't use it and noone, just noone calls me that and gets away with it. Maybe it was one of the weakest of those weaker moments I was telling you about..but I took that quiz. Honestly.

Now why would I rely on a publication which if given its way would have the world believe success is directly proportional to your night life, to help me decide what kind of person I am. I knew I wouldn't fit the description even before I started out. Nobody would in fact. Most of these quizzes are cleverly contrived to make the average person fall very cosily into the average category which tells you (for example) how perfectly balanced you are between wild cat and hello kitty.

These magazines don't expose you to the winds that blow the hair of a malnourished rural woman out of place or articulate the silence she has been accustomed to living in. Who is she anyway? Is she dating the hot guy in that wild new music video? Who cares about her when you have a comfy cushion to lean back against, cold coffee and all the time in the world? Of course you do. I know I do. It's just that I care almost as much whether Penelope Cruz broke up with
Tom cruise because of his affiliations to Scientology and how exactly I can enhance my 'va va voom' factor a la Posh Spice.

And yet, I don't want to go through my life thinking that I have never looked at the world through the eyes of someone who doesn't quite see the colours I have been gifted with. Let's see. I'm not going to deny myself anything..that would amount to hypocrisy. I am going to wear branded jeans and I am going to read those magazines and I am going to turn my nose up now and then at public transport. But I won't let all of that take my mind off a reality that is fortunately not so much mine to mourn.

I am 22.I should have left all that adolescent meandering behind me.i think i have in many ways.And yet, there is so much of life that remains to be lived regardless of whether i know how i want to live it.The road ahead looks smooth and shiny,there's a love song playing on my lips and there's fuel in my tank.This is how it is always going to be.I'm never going to either win or lose.It will always be a matter of how i look in the rear view mirror.

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